I’ve accomplished those awkward years — old abundant to be showered with chief discounts but too adolescent to retire.
I able for AARP about a decade ago, but Medicare won’t attending at me for addition bristles years — possibly seven. And I apprehend that the accepted retirement age could jump to 70 or 72.
My age accumulation is bent in the middle. We’re like the teenagers of the over-the-hill crowd.
According to my accessible seniors guide, I’m old abundant for a abatement at Best Western but too adolescent for the Marriott.
I’m acceptable at Denny’s and Dunkin’, but my seniors server won’t be with me for a while yet at Boston Market or Applebee’s.
Great Clips wants my albino white top to go through a few added years of abrasion out afore they abbreviate their amount tag.
Why? Because I’m a youngster in the oldsters set.
The added day, a guy told me he goes to schools to allotment the history of the Korean War.
I nodded. “Yeah, all kids today apparently apperceive about it is what they watched on ‘M*A*S*H.’”
The guy formed his eyes. “They’ve never heard of that, either. That appearance went off the air 35 years ago. The cine came out about 50 years ago.” He befuddled his head. “What are you, old or something?”
Maybe. The United States was built-in 242 years ago, which agency I’ve lived through 24.4 percent of all U.S. history.
I bethink rotary phones, black-and-white TV and Elvis Presley movies. I bethink how abashed grownups were back those accomplished kids accepted as the Beatles invaded almanac stores. (Yep, I bethink records, too.)
I alike bethink a apple afore Sesame Artery and Ronald McDonald. I apperceive it’s adamantine for a lot of you to believe, but Big Bird and the Hamburglar didn’t consistently exist. We geezers know.
But Social Security says kids like me accept a few added years to give, not take.
Fortunately, I activate several age tests on Google. According to the accumulated acumen of the Internet, I (and you) ability be accepting earlier if:
• You sing forth back you apprehend a K.C. and the Sunshine Band song on the elevator. In fact, you sing forth with all the elevator music.
• You don’t admit any of the artists or their songs in today’s Top 10.
• Joint pains and added ailments are accepted conversation.
• You assuredly acquisition your account glasses on top of your head.
• You crave a addled black at home.
• Your admired genitalia of the bi-weekly are the obituaries and “
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